Making The Best Of It

I love it when I plan an image in my head, go out and take the shots and then can't wait to start working on it.  But sometimes when I sit down in front of the computer and look at my frames, a sinking feeling sets in.  I screwed up.  Take this image as an example - I made Kelly stand out in the pouring rain for me, Brooke got soaked holding a flimsy umbrella over my camera so it would stay as dry as could be expected and I got pretty soaked too.  The setting was great but we definitely did not have a lot of time, and fear for my equipment's longevity made me rush.  I took shots to expand my frame after getting my images of Kelly, but I think you can clearly see my calculations were a tad out!

Sooo, I sat on this image for a while once I put the frames together.  Eventually I went back to it and had another look.  In the end, it wasn't as bad as I had feared and I managed to fill in the areas I needed without too much difficulty, but I was annoyed at myself for such a basic error (and one I make all too frequently!)  

But I patched it up and I made the best of it.  And you know what, that's a pretty much how I feel in my day to day life as a parent a lot of the time.  I mention parenting because it brings us back to the image above and what it means to me.  It is called "I Am Not Resigned", which was inspired by the Edna St Vincent Millay Poem Dirge Without Music.  This image represents a mourning for a loss of self that comes with parenthood.  Of course I love my children, I would not change things and go back to the person I was before I had kids, even if I could.  But that doesn't mean that I feel completely whole, that I don't feel the loss of the woman I was before, that I don't mourn the lack of time to devote to achieving my dreams for the future.  I love my family but there are days and days at a time when I don't even know who I am because all I do is look after the wants and needs of others.  Sometimes I want to scream.  Sometimes I do.

I Am Not Resigned